RSS

Random Shit.

Bringing you the flavor of a dirty-water dog blended with old copies of "Street Fighter: The Movie", in a bite-sized package!
May 01
Permalink

The Owning of Many, MANY foolish NY Rangers Fans…

Today was going to be one of those days. I just knew it. I knew today was going to be so fucking boring…I just decided to spruce it up a bit. For those who have been forwarded this page, read a bit. I guarantee that your going to laugh, if not a little, then alot. Or maybe your that one guy who offered his sister…anywoo…

I was at work when I decided to post “Free Tickets” to tonites  Playoff Game. The Rangers Vs the Sabres. I didnt do it for no reason at all. At least Im a ticket broker.

But you people took it to a hilarious level. I posted an ad on craigslist ( http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/tix/322282290.html ). And the emails KEPT COMING. You people are ignorant, and made my day THAT much better. Heres a few excerpts from people who wanted to trade a few things for these coveted tickets….

 ”you can shave my head bald if you like”

"…my sister is kinda slutty…I hope you like bjs!!!!!!!11!! sluprslurp"

"…so pick me!im a funny drunk"

"are you single?"

"ill love you in more ways then one if you give me a ticket"

"…so i dont feel right taking a ticket for free but can my mom have a ticket?"

"you are so cool. i dont even like hokkey but ill go."

 ”if your gay I got a brother for that kinda thing :)”

"i dont have a BF and i have pink kinky hair" 

"if you have any legal problems, im an attorney"

"im a barber and can give you a free spiffy haircut"

……and my personal favorite…. 

"your a filthy fucking lier. you dont have any free tickets. why do you have to fuck around with people who BLEED blue?! your an asshole. but if you do have tickets, can I have 1?"

WOW…you truley are the biggest loser, and not in the good, weight loss way either. Your just the biggest fucking loser on the planet. YOU sir, need to perish…but on a solid note, I didnt have any tickets, I never did, and I had a fantastic time laughing my ass off as the total of 314 emails came my way, practically slobbing on my knob for a chance to see a sport that doesnt matter anymore. Thank you….fucking jews… 

Apr 29
Permalink

Pwning the Past…and King Poser.

I went for a job interview at a nice little art gallery in the city (NY for those who are Metropolis-Void). I decided to visit my friends who I found out work 10 minutes away. It was around the corner that I found the perfect oppurtunity to herb up little kids.

A truck with 4 HDTVS on its side was parked on an empty street. I was a little concerened with the lack of security for said truck, and I decended upon the TV on wheels with caution. It was here that a skinny twit and two overly nerded out fleshbags were promoting “Guitar Hero 2”, one of the better videogames in my possesion. Now, at the time, I was wearing plain blue jeans, a leather jacket, and my chucks (Converse for the Un-Hip). I looked like the everyday average NYer, walking around, strutting my stuff like I own the place. These chumps never saw it coming. I picked up one of the guitar controllers, and King Poser, complete with Misc band T-Shirt, emo-hair, and skin tight pants that made his package (if it could be called a package…more like an envelope)  picked up the other one. He thought he was so bad ass.

I let him pick the song. He thought he could embaress me by picking something a little difficult. Now even though he didnt pick Psychobilly Freakout (A song I play at least 10 times a day) he went with “Misirlou”, known as the “Pulp Fiction Theme”. He picked the “Hard” Difficulty, while I went that extra step and went to “Expert”. His pimply-faced cum-dumpster prostitot of a girlfriend chuckled a little because I picked Expert so fast, it looked as if I did it by mistake. No mistakes about it. I owned King Poser. And I should have taken his GF out back to show her what a dick is supposed to look like (Big, Meaty, roughly the size of a 16-Wheeler), but you know….BUT-HER-FACE…

On another note (Get it? Note? Guitar Hero?! HA!), I did some personal refection time today, thinking about my old life/friends. Wow…just typing that made my hands hurt. But seriously, Ive had some fucked up encounters in the past few years. Ive had people backstab me left and right. Ive been handed the blame for something I didnt know was going on (I was trashed), and sent to jail for it. Ive been alienated, humiliated, and emotionally damaged beyond repair. So now I’m a cynical, baby-hating, rampaging beast, roaming the streets with my loaded Mini-5 Fret on my back, looking for another excuse to display my awesome Video Game Prowess.  I think Im much better off now then ever. My mother is a thing of the past (And I hope you read this too, my old friends are existing somewhere on the earth (Or…can I hope…laying in a pool of they’re own filth?), and I couldnt be happier. I’m sick of dealing with the planets problems. Not that I am Superman or anything, but I used to dedicate alot of my time to other people.

I would belt out advice that would make Dr.Phil cry in suppressed-memory fashion. I was a good kid, and deep down, I know that. And I also know the difference between right and wrong. I wont go into VA Tech, and shoot a bunch of people in the face, then commit suicide, while blaming YOU people for it. Nope. Im gonna kill you all, and Ill be the last one left. Try and go to sleep now mother fuckers. I have replaced your Mother.

Permalink

This man is a fucking Beast. He is seriously what “jucking” is about.

Apr 10
Permalink
HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

Permalink

HOO HAH

As close as a catchphrase as Ill ever come close to using. Anywoo, my income just doubled, so Ive decided Im going to purchase a 89 Firebird. And a PS3….although Im probably not going to have the money for the PS3…which sucks…because I have previously stated I want a PS3 very badly. Im not going to pester you any longer with my strange electronic cravings. I do want to bring up the fact that flour and corn flakes does not make a good combo.

My cat put two cuts in my leg. He freaked out big time for some reason. Now Im bleeding. 

Apr 09
Permalink
Here comes the BOOM!

Here comes the BOOM!

Apr 08
Permalink
Remember that episode of Seinfeld, when Elane was taking after the old man with the “Football Goiter”? This is what he looked like. Damn.

Remember that episode of Seinfeld, when Elane was taking after the old man with the “Football Goiter”? This is what he looked like. Damn.

Permalink
Oh wow…

Oh wow…

Permalink

Last thing she ever said...

  • Jo: We have to stop by Erics' tonite.
  • Gabe: Uh....why?
  • Jo: Uh, cause I like weed.
  • Gabe: Fantastic.
  • Jo: You want to drive?
Permalink

Day 2…

I dont have a PS3, and thats not good. People all around me have PS3s and dont deserve one. They should die like theres no tomorrow. Im watching :The War at Home”. Very underrated show. Should get more burn than it already it is. I still havent even decided what Im going to do with this thing. The “Send me Shit” post didnt work. So you know what Im going to do? Get High. Later.